ON A GOOD DAY…

OK, it’s time for a little free style…

I’m sitting here on a cloudy Saturday, after eating a very late “breakfast”, contemplating the gym (it looks like it’s not going to happen, lol), while organizing my iTunes library. You see, three days ago I auditioned for one of the leads in an Equity play based on the classic western “The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance”. And, after I read for the ‘Liberty Valance’ role and swaggered out of the audition room, feeling uber confident in the job I had done, I got into my car, went into my phone to find the song by the same name, and…It wasn’t there! So, having the experience fresh in my mind, I went on an oldies music shopping spree this morning, which for whatever reason, ignited the following chain of emotions/reminders/realizations…

On a good day…I feel unstoppable. Defeat? It happens, and has happened. So what?! On a good day, I can’t be beat…even if I get beat. You understand? I’m the kind of guy who keeps coming back, that’s my history. It may be the next day…or ten years from now, but I will return to receive my just rewards. I will. You see I’ve already lived through when it seemed like everyone I knew, and/or counted on, abandoned me… It has happened several times in my life actually. At first it broke my heart. But eventually I realized this was just life and that forgiveness of others’ humanity is important for inner peace. But it’s also very important to remember those who stood by you, no matter what, through thick and thin. So after I licked my wounds, I stood up, dusted myself off, and focused. That eventual recuperative feeling was an accumulation of a gut mixture between anger, lust, ignorance and self-righteousness. I know, I know, it doesn’t sound too politically correct does it? But I am quite capable of having those thoughts streaming through my head and that energy pulsing through my being. And…I’m proud of those that, and my behavior. The feelings are real, and so am I. I am proud of my humanity. But I’m also in harmony with diplomacy when it’s necessary. The true sign of “wisdom” is knowing when to use an ax (figuratively speaking fool, lol) or a handshake, an ability that unfortunately (for impatient types) only comes with age/experience.

I haven’t always embraced my flux. But my happiness depended on me doing just that, being at peace with the fact that in order to find one’s self and to understand the meaning of life, I had to keep moving forward and to stop caring about what “should” be, and embrace what is.

Oh, I can be a coward, and I have been before. But more times than not I have stepped up, gladly accepted a challenge where the odds were against me. It has happened. But if I was pissed enough, I did not care. Or to put it in Shakespearean terms – I don’t give a f*ck. When I reach that threshold I experience a confidence that I wish I could control and whip out on command. But sometimes my emotions think for themselves. Oh, don’t me wrong, I tend to be both cunning and calculating, and very rarely, if ever, blinded by emotion. But when I really let go, I really start living. Like…right now! 😉

Have a GREAT day!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *